So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
