Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
