Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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