The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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