imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
