At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
