You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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