I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
