She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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