Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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