I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
