I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
