I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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