they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
