if you like me you must not know who I am
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
