Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
