I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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