I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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