That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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