I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
