My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
