Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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