3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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