If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
