just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
