the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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