I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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