can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
