Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
