i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
