Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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