ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was like his penis was on wheels.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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