last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
