I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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