I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
