i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
