I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
