i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
