mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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