so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Im part way to drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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