Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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