Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize