no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
