You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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