you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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