You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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