I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
