They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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