addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
