i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
whose parrot is this?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize