My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
