you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
