four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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