I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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