Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
