i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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