there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
