alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
high people should be assigned attendants
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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