I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
