Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just threw up on my dentist
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
