the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
