Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
