Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
