I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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