god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
