I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
