Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
