I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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