U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
