Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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