i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
