are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
barbara walters just said penis...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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