well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
