he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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