successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
