Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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