Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
