I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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