I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
